Happy Birthday Jake!!!!

March 25, 2015

So I haven’t done an entry in a while, again.

I have big news! I am completely enrolled and ready to start school on April 6^th! I am getting more excited as time gets closer. I put in my notice yesterday which is a little short but I am able to be there fully for Jake on his birthday. We have the party on Saturday which is a party in the park complete with the cutest cake I have ever seen! Then, on Sunday we are going to watch Jake’s first ever Wrestlemania!! In case anyone doesn’t know what that is, it is the biggest wrestling event of the year, it is WWE’s equivalent to the Super Bowl. I just hope he finishes out the week and Saturday with no problem and he can actually watch it.

He has been doing a lot better lately. He has had a few slip ups. A few weeks ago he was allowed to go outside and play at daycare and he was told to stay out of the mud quite a few times. He and another boy were caught rolling around in a huge mud puddle like pigs! I could not believe he did that, and to top that one off he didn’t go inside and use the bathroom so he peed is pants twice. That led to him being grounded from outside for a while. Well, he had a really good day so we decided to give him outside back, he was let out at school since they have the rubber chips on the playground, I hate those things by the way, and he was fine but when he got to daycare I was called and informed that I forgot his snow pants. Being that it was my fault I got on the phone and tried to talk to Jake and tell him that he could go out the next day and I promised I would put his pants in his backpack when we got home. At the time we made a deal with him that if he got 10 greens in a row and didn’t throw any crying fits we would buy him a fish, so he promised me he would be ok and that he wanted his fish and as soon as I got off the phone he started hyperventilating. For the next hour I spent getting on and off the phone with him and the daycare woman trying to calm him down. The very last time she called me to inform me that he had started bashing his head off the walls. When I got there he had an ice pack on his forehead, there were scratches all on one side.

Dad was so mad he told him he was not getting a fish at all. But, I think he learned his lesson with that one. We have been telling him that crying and throwing fits will not get him his way and he hasn’t believed us up until this point. I am very proud of how far he has come in the last few months he has done a complete 180 degrees from where he was. He still tries to get away with some things but what kid doesn’t?

But, I can’t wait to start school! I am so excited!! And Jake’s party is going to be awesome! Everyone we love will be there! Wish us luck that the weather holds out for us!!!

Thanks for reading!! XOXO

Jake and School! :)

March 5, 2015

Just another day today, I called my school’s Finance Department today and my counseling and MPN are still being processed. The woman I talked to said that it would be tomorrow that it would be ready. I hate waiting. I have been working on this stuff for about 3 weeks now and I just want to know already.

I am set to start on April 6^th and I want to have my 2 weeks in by March 25^th at the latest.

I have a hard time keeping my patience when it comes to things like this. It is one of my worst qualities I used to be a lot worse but, as I got older I have realized that most people are just trying to do their job as well as they can. That’s all I can ask for.

Meanwhile, I learned how to arm knit. It is so fun and only takes about ½ an hour so I may have to start crocheting other things to pass the time. I won’t have as much free time as I do now but at least I will be free weekends and every other Friday. Yay!!

I am getting more excited as time goes on, I just don’t want to feel as disappointed as I am every month when my period comes and I know I am not pregnant. I don’t want to be let down that way, it is one of the worst feelings in the world. Another thing that the woman from my school told me today is that there is a really good chance that I will get what I am hoping for! That would be extra money in my grant checks to pay my bills, so we are crossing our fingers.

As far as Jake goes, he is still doing very well! Tuesday was the only exception to that. He has a guest teacher, they have a time when they all sit on a rug and listen to the teacher tell a story or work with them on their sight words, Jake decided he didn’t want to listen and lay down on the rug. The teacher told him to get up and he said no, she told him again and he got mad and ran away to hide in his cubby (locker). She gave him a color turn because he refused and then ran away. When I asked why he got the color turn he lied. So that resulted in him being in a timeout for the rest of the night.

Some people have told me that making him stand in the corner is mean and the government considers it child abuse. Honestly, I have never heard that and my fiancé and I both agree that we would rather he stood in the corner for 3 hours instead of being spanked. It is a lot less painful. I don’t care what anyone thinks of our parenting, pertaining to my previous posts about my fiancé’s family in case you are wondering what I am talking about. All it does is create drama that I am not interested in.

This is the way I see it. If someone has a valid point to make then bring it to me calmly and as an adult. If you come at me with attitude like you are accusing I will cast you away, I promise you that!

Back on point, Jake has been doing a lot better the past two weeks. He got very close to getting 5 greens in a row last week and blowing it because he decided he didn’t want to listen in music class.

He also recently got a WWE beanie from me and his dad for being so good, it has been below zero for the past few days and he lost it. As well as his Superman gloves and one of the camouflage ones his Auntie gave him. He hasn’t gotten to play outside all week because of it. But, I believe he will find all of them he does this a lot!

But, I need to get back to work and finish up.

Thanks for reading! XO

More Stuff About Me.

March 4, 2015

Today, I am going to post something a little different. I recently did a little quiz blog and I wanted to do something like that but with only a few questions. Deeper questions than just the trivial ‘what did you have for lunch today?’ I wanted to find out more about myself as well as others. So I challenge anyone reading to put some serious thought into these and answer honestly. Here goes.

1. What is the place you felt the happiest or safest?

This one was a really tough one to answer. When I was in high school I was bullied badly because I was different. That resulted in depression, then my cousin passed away and it got worse. So the safest place for me was locked in my room, it was also the happiest. There I could escape everything, I could write, draw, or read in peace. I submersed myself in wrestling on Monday nights. I locked my door and just let my mind completely drown in my own thoughts of how my life would be when I got older. Now that I am older the safest and happiest place to me is in my fiance’s arms. Just being with him I know that nothing could ever hurt me. Yes, I get depressed sometimes but I know that it will always get better for us.

2.This one is a little more fun. What is the most antiqued item you own?

I didn’t have to think about this one long. One year for Christmas I got this old jewelry box, it played music and upon inspecting it I found very old jewelry that had fallen into the wooden lining. I already knew that the box was old but I found a ring that looked so withered that it could have been from the early 1900’s who knows. I kept it and still have it as well. Kind of surprising that I’ve had it this long.

3. What is one food that reminds you of your youth or childhood?

My Grandmother has this way of making chicken legs that is to die for. We used to call them Chicken-Winger Flinger-Dingers. (Don’t laugh) Every time my Grandma made them they were devoured. They were messy and so good. Every time I remember them that is what takes me back to when I was young. It just makes me remember a time when I was innocent and didn’t have a care in the world. Its kind of funny because I have tried to block out most of my childhood, there was a lot of painful events that I would like to forget. But, moving on!

4. What did you think you were going to be when you grew up?

This is another that will probably get a laugh. I always thought that I would be a WWE Diva. A female wrestler. It’s the only thing I ever thought about, like I said before it consumed me. Wrestling was my everything, it was my obsession, my passion, and my sanctuary. I couldn’t live without it. I religiously had to be sitting in front of the television at 8:00 every Monday night without fail. If there was a Pay-Per-View on the night before and anyone else had seen it they were not allowed to tell me anything, I always wanted to find out myself. I wore wrestling t-shirts and dressed like Jeff Hardy for a long time. I still love wrestling to this day. I don’t think I will ever outgrow it. John Cena is still my favorite. I just had to add that.

5. What is your childhood fear?

When I was a kid I was so scared of death. I would lie awake at night and freak myself out by thinking about what it would be like to die. I still freak myself out, I can’t help it. There was a time when I welcomed it, I didn’t care whether I lived or died. But now that time has passed and I am terrified again, thinking about nothingness. The only thing that makes me feel better is that there is a Heaven and it won’t be darkness I will be with my family forever in Heaven. I hate the feeling of fear. It grips my heart like a vice and makes it hard to breathe. I almost can’t move as I am writing this just thinking about it. It is really hard for me to talk about my fear out in the open because it makes me think about it and then it won’t go away. It’s like planting a seed it just keeps growing and growing. So I have to stop myself right here.

I hope you enjoyed reading more about me. I think everyone should at least once, dig down deep and talk about things like this. Once it’s out of the way it keeps the mind clear. I actually feel a lot better now that it’s not all trapped in my head! You should try it!

Thanks for reading! XO

Depression.

February 26, 2015

So it is now 1 pm and I still have yet to get a break, I have been here since 7:30 this morning. This is why I don’t want to be here anymore. The only thing I like about this place is the money. But, you cannot pay me enough money in the world to sit here and not be able to use the bathroom when I please like everyone else in this building. I am the only one who has to have someone cover for them. Which is laughable because half the people here have to wait at the phone for calls but, mine are the only ones that matter, apparently. This just doesn’t work for me, sitting here I mean, I can’t do it anymore. Even if I don’t get accepted to school I think it is time to find another job. I just don’t know how I would do that when I work 7:30 to 4 almost every day. I don’t have time to call people or have interviews. My work life blows right now. Not going to lie.

Maybe I sound like I am complaining and I am sorry for that. Please, feel free to stop reading this if you think I am just a lazy complainer! It won’t hurt my feelings one bit! I know that sounds bitchy, just the sort of mood I am in right now.

This is not the first time this has happened to me. And it won’t be the last. I work next weekend, which I am dreading. Saturdays are the worst to work, I feel for people who work every weekend, I used to be one of those people. But this is all day I just sit here and do nothing. At least during the week there is a little work for me to do. On Saturdays there is absolutely nothing at all. I haven’t had a smoke break either. Most of the time I am ok but today I just have this bitchy tick that I can’t get rid of. I want to go home and crawl in my bed and sleep for 12 hours.

Honestly, I feel my depression creeping ever further on me. I can’t shake it and I can’t stop it. It feels like vines of agony and hate encasing my heart and there is nothing I can do about it besides struggle with a never ending battle. It goes away when I leave this place and comes back daily, or whenever I think about sitting here all day. I should get help, I know. Right now, leaving this place and going back to school feels like the only thing that would help…..

The Clouds Break!! Hallelujah!

February 25, 2015

I have been so busy the past few weeks that it has escaped me completely to write down my thoughts. Jake has been so good lately too. I think his phase has passed, he has been so sweet lately. Being good and loving everyone and everything. He has been eating a lot more too. I wonder if it is possible for growth spurts to be the reason his demeanor has changed seeing as he grew a few inches in the last two months. He has been doing all his school work the last few days, and he said that Kahn, the boy who he has been getting in trouble with, was bothering him on the bus and he ignored him completely because he didn’t want to get into trouble. We are so proud of him. We went out to dinner for Nana’s birthday last night and he got cake and ice cream when we got home. He’s had treats all week and I am just so glad that we aren’t having any more bad behavior from him!

As far as myself going to school, I had a tour of the school on Monday and I love it! I know beauty school is considered cliché but I am so interested in doing hair and makeup, plus the school I am going to teaches nails too. As a woman who loves getting her nails done that really excites me.

At first, I was nervous, trying to catalog in my head everything I had to get done. But it took me literally a day to finish. I had to file an application for Fafsa and it took me only a little over an hour, I am waiting to hear results. If all goes well and they agree to give me grants for my bills I will be there full time. No more answering phones (well, the occasional one at the front desk), no more being bored, and trying my hardest to find something to do all day. I will be on my feet and able to lose weight again like I wanted to before. I am just really excited now, if all goes well I will be starting on April 6^th. This Momma will officially be a college student! And I am determined to finish. I am the second in my immediate family to go to college but I will be the first to graduate! I will not give up and I will see it through to the end!

Daddy has my back 100% too and I really appreciate that! There aren’t many men who will stand by your side no matter what you do. None I have dated anyway.  He is worried about one thing. If they don’t agree to give me grants to pay bills then I can’t quit my job and go to school. I will be stuck here. I am a little worried about that too so I am trying not to get my hopes up too much, what if they don’t help me? I don’t want to be stuck doing something I don’t like forever. It is so hard to find a job around here unless you have some kind of college degree.

But, I am holding out hope. I don’t want to think about the negative too much. I am the type of person who worries way too much about the outcome of things. I worry so much it makes me sick sometimes. It runs in my family. But I have some work to do so I will probably write some more later. I am thinking about doing something a little differently that what I have been here. Nothing too dramatic of a change, just something different.

Thanks for reading! XO

February 9, 2015

This post will be mostly un-Jake related but it is something that has been bothering me since last night and I have to get it out.

I have written about the problems we have been having with my fiance’s brother and mother and now his sister has started. Not about Jake though, about a joke my fiancé played on her, which I am going on record right now saying I had no part in, AT ALL.

My fiancé and I got new phones, and numbers yesterday and my fiancé decided to play a joke on his sister. Her ex-husband was an abuser and he has tried to take her kids from her for a long time. They went to court and she was told to come back to WV for a court date and she didn’t so her lawyer told her that she just wouldn’t be allowed to ever come back.

My fiancé texted her with his new number and decided to mess with her and pretend to be her ex. I didn’t know he was doing it until she called her mom, screaming. She had a panic attack over it which is totally understandable and she cussed out my fiancé which I don’t blame her at all she has every right to be mad at him. But that is the thing she is mad and me and his mother too because she has herself convinced that we let him do it! If I would have known that is what he was going to do I would have talked him out of it and she should know that and I told her that I had no part and that I was sorry for him taking it that far. She deleted us of social media as well as her boyfriend.

I am so mad that she would take it that far. I have never done anything mean to her to make her think that I would let anyone do anything to hurt her. As soon as I found out I cussed him too! For the rest of the night. He even tried to apologize to her and she wasn’t having it. She ignored us all. So once again she made me feel like shit for something I didn’t do.  I thought we were finally closer than that, where that would never happen.

My fiancé wants to move more than ever now. He feels like since we got here it has been nothing but drama. I don’t want to move at all, I don’t want to leave my friends or my sister. I really hope she comes to her senses soon, we all apologized to her and my fiancé did twice.

I agree with her on the part that it was really mean, it was the worst thing anyone could do to someone. I just don’t want to think about it anymore. We have been through so much the last year, more than most people do in a lifetime and I just don’t need any more drama in our lives. We need to be free. I told my fiancé last night that with everything that has been happening in the past couple months , the way I have been treated by his family, I am slipping slowly back into my depression and I don’t want that. I just want to be happy. I don’t want to fight with anyone I just want to raise Jake and have fun and be happy.

I don’t know if that will ever happen. I go to a very dark place when I am depressed. A place that I cant come back from easily and Jake needs me more than ever. I am ready to sever all ties from anyone who wants to stand in the way of our happiness.

My fiancé and I had a discussion the other night on the way home from work about our wedding and I told him that I don’t want a big wedding anymore. I just want to go to the court house and get married in a sundress and cowboy boots and then have a party at someone’s house or something I don’t care anymore I just want to be married to him. I told him that I want to do it before he buys a television or any more games. I want to be with him forever.

On a lighter note, I changed my hair! I am so happy with it. I love it! Was a birthday present from my mother-in-law! She got hers done as well. I will attach a picture of it along with this post.

I had better get back to work. Thanks for reading! XO

 My new hair! Red ombre 🙂

P.S. I just talked to Kristy. She is actually talking to me I am so glad. I think she just needed time to calm down. She is still mad at my fiancé but that is understandable. He needs to go in person and apologize too.

Jake, Work, and School.

February 3, 2015

So yesterday was a rough day for all of us. I was done with work at 12:30 and I went to get Jake early. When I got there he was still in the music room, although the rest of the class was back in the classroom, he was sitting inside a small, black entertainment center. When I walked in, he didn’t see me at first, I made him clean up all the chairs he had knocked over and the little metal pieces from the stand that he was throwing. He didn’t say a word to me and he didn’t argue he went and did what I told him. I was told that he has refused to leave the room at all he hid in the stand and would not come out.

We went to his classroom and he got ready as I talked to his teacher. She told me that he refused to do any of his work. He hadn’t finished one page. He continued to knock over books in his quiet corner and throw chairs. He didn’t get recess because he wouldn’t listen, he did not eat lunch. He sat at the table and wouldn’t touch his food. I don’t know what got into him yesterday, the bad behavior continued when he and I got home. I had him do 3 of the 6 things he had for homework and we went to pick up Dad from work.

I continued to try to get him to talk to me all day and he just kept saying that he was mad and sad. His dad thinks that he wants to go home. The last time he talked to his mom, she lied to him and told him that she was coming to get him soon and take him home. We think that he took this to heart, even when he was gently told that, that wasn’t the case. Maybe we didn’t explain it to him well enough? Maybe he is angry with us that he is with us altogether. Dad and I both don’t want him to go back. Countless family members don’t want that as well.

As far as the daycare goes, Dad walked in with is this morning and the daycare woman asked what he was doing there. Dad just came right out and said that the pants belonged to him and he wanted them back. She was surprised but gave them back. I just hope that she isn’t mean to Jake because of it.

I am still researching going to school as soon as I can. I heard that financial aid will not only pay my tuition but will pay half my bills as well. There is also a very good school not too far from me. I hadn’t considered it but I talked to a good friend of my sister-in-laws and she had nothing but good things to say about it.

One of the reasons I want to go to school is so that I can take Jake to school myself and pick him up too. We don’t have to deal with the middle man and I can still get a small part time job in the meantime if I want to. My fiancé thinks it is a good idea too and is behind me 100%! I want to make our lives better than what they are now and I am not happy with the job I am at. They are always changing the schedule on me trying to make me work until 7:00 which isn’t even possible for me seeing as I have told them 100 times that I have to get my fiancé from work and Jake from Daycare. That and I am full time. I work 40 hours a week. Period. I cannot keep changing my schedule around and trying to figure out the rest of our lives. I am just done with the bullshit. Speaking of that, I better get back to work!

I’ll keep y’all posted! XO

More Trouble Brewing.

February 2, 2015

I know I haven’t written in a while but we have been so busy with Jake.

We finally solved the mystery of why he was hitting on the bus, he and his friend were playing and hitting each other, running up and down the aisles. He told us that the kid was being mean to him and when we moved him it continued so then we had to have them separated and when I grilled Jake, he caved and told me that truth.

We had a really good weekend for my birthday. We saw my sister and her boys, and the rest of our family. Jake and my sister’s youngest hit it off really well and he was good when we got home, until about half an hour ago.

I got a call from his teacher saying that he was throwing a fit because he didn’t get the right color scissors. He continued by throwing the scissors. Really kid? The wrong scissors? So he was screaming in the background like he was dying and she put me on the phone with him, he had an attitude as I told him that he could either go to the office all day long or do his work. He tried to choose the office and I told him to at least try to do his work for me and he flipped out and said goodbye and threw the phone on the floor. When the teacher picked it up she continued to tell me that he was picking up and throwing chairs and kicking them across the floor.

I am at the end of my rope and I know Dad is too. We just don’t know what to do with him anymore. He was just fine all weekend. I know that it is hard as a kid to have fun all weekend and then have to go back to reality, shit, It’s hard for adults. But, there is a point when it has to stop. Kids think differently I know, but we have really tried to explain this to him. Also, this has been ongoing since Christmas. When he got his presents, he was done being good. He just didn’t care anymore but now he hasn’t played his Xbox in almost a month and half because he has been so naughty.

Last week when we told him that we were going to Grandma’s house but he had to be  good he did really good and now this week we told him that we would get him some Legos since he took care of his cousin’s Legos so good. So, we have been trying to give him rewards and it’s just not working, he doesn’t care.

I am done with work at 12:30 today and I am going to get him. He is going to come home and do chores all night until bedtime after we finish his homework.

His Aunt and I talked about chores he could do and I decided that he would fold towels all the towels we own and then when he was done I would mess them up and he would do it again, over and over until bedtime. I had him do it once and he hated it and he is going to do it again.

Also, I am thinking about going back to school to be a beautician. This morning really confirmed it for me. I got out and walked him into daycare like I normally do and he had forgotten his snow pants this weekend, and when we got there he told me they were hanging on the hook behind the door. When I went to get them the daycare lady grabbed them and right away said that there were no snow pants left this weekend at her house. I told her “Jake said those are his” she kept saying they weren’t. He started crying and when I asked what was wrong he said “you won’t believe me that they are mine.” I told him if they were his I would put them in his backpack. Mind you, my son does lie, but when he is crying over something then I know he is telling the truth. I went to take the snow pants and said “he says they are his so I will send them.” Her eyes got as big as quarters and said “they are a 4T he doesn’t wear a 4T.”

Excuse me, his snow pants are a size 4T his uncle bought them for him big so that he could wear them next year. If my son says they are his snow pants and he is literally crying about it, THEN THEY ARE HIS FUCKING SNOW PANTS! I am so tired of this daycare crap. I love having my own money and being independent but this woman pisses me off. Needless to say when my fiancé is done with work then we need to stop down there and he can go in and talk to her about it. He will tear her a new a**hole. The only reason I didn’t is because I would have been late for work.

I have to get back to work I will keep y’all updated as this shit progresses. Thanks for reading! XO

Birthday Party Drama.

January 19, 2015

I have good news and bad news.

Good news is, Jake is finally getting out of his funk with the fits. We talked to him and made a plan where if he is upset he will come to one of us and let us know how he is feeling so that we can help him fix it. It has been working well, he is still trying to catch on and does cry. This morning before we got in the car he was crying because his dad and I were having a conversation in the living room and I told him to go in the bathroom and get the water started to brush his teeth and he instead, went in the bathroom and cried. He kills me because it isn’t even stuff to cry about. But then again, I get that he is 5 and he will grow out of it and learn how to deal with things.

I also feel bad for him because on Friday I woke him up to take him to daycare and he cried because he thought he didn’t have to go to school (he was half asleep and forgot he had to go to daycare) when I finally got him up and dressed he was standing next to our bed and he just bent over and puked all over the floor. I told him to quick, run to the toilet in case he had to again, so he stopped halfway to puke all over the floor. Yuck! Turns out he had Strep. I have never seen anyone throw up from Strep. But apparently it runs in the family, so he was in bed for two days. But he also has the immune system from his father because he bounced back so quickly you wouldn’t even have known he was sick. It felt nice to take care of someone other than myself or my fiancé for a change.

The bad news, (other than Jake getting sick) is that his uncle is at it again.

Here is the lowdown. Uncle has twin girls and their birthday party is this Sunday. He asked my fiancé if he would at least drop Jake off and let him stay. By himself? Hell no, see what happened last time? So Chris said he might come but I probably wouldn’t. Me, still being mad at him for the shit he pulled a few weeks ago. So, my fiancé decided to bring up Jake’s birthday, since Uncle and Auntie are fighting my fiancé told him that Auntie was being invited to the party and that he was going to have to deal with it. I am behind him 100%. Uncle wants us to tell her she can’t show up until a certain time when he leaves. My fiancé told him no, he could either, show up and avoid her or don’t go at all. Maybe that sounds mean but with what actually went on between Uncle and Auntie the way he talks about her is ridiculous.

I don’t know if I mentioned this but his wife accused her of stealing and he believed it. I don’t think she did it and neither does my fiancé but, that is not my business. What concerns me is he makes it all about him instead of thinking about the kids. They are the ones that suffer. What about Jake? Stuck in the middle, it isn’t fair to any of these kids to have to go through this crap. Especially my son with everything he has already been through, he doesn’t need this drama too.

I am starting to think maybe we should just go to my mom’s house for his birthday. Then at least we won’t have to deal with this shit.

My day started out really good and then his mom called me and was crying, said that Uncle was so upset he was crying last night. Which she is just as bad! She has been spending so much time over at Uncle’s house I don’t know why she doesn’t just move over there. He is telling her lies and making it seem like we are all assholes over here. And that includes myself, my fiancé, Auntie, and her boyfriend.  She is making the whole fight out to be my fiance’s fault. I just think that sometimes we just need to get away and have our own life away from all the fucking bullshit, sorry for my language.

I am just getting stressed out because it is like they won’t stop, ever. There is always something that they have to bitch about. My fiancé and I are finally starting to get our footing with Jake being here and they don’t care. They just keep flinging more shit like a fucking ape at the zoo. I can’t take it much longer. My fiancé wonders why we fight so much and when I tell him then he defends them…..but, I am not going to dwell. (Or try not to)

Thanks for reading! XOXO

Still Battling Negative Behavior.

January 15, 2015

I know I haven’t done a real post in a while. I have been so busy with work and Jake.

First of all Jake is not doing better, it has been two weeks of nothing but naughty behavior at school. We can’t get him to stop. We have tried everything. We are literally at our wits end, there is not a whole lot we can take. Being thrown into this has been hard enough as it is and now him acting up and not stopping is getting old quickly.

Yesterday it took another bad turn. He started getting violent with the kids on the bus. He was actually punching other kids. I have never seen him do that, we are guessing that it is the wrestling he is watching. There is a PPV on next Sunday and last night he got himself grounded from it and Raw for a while. He hasn’t gotten to see it in the last two weeks because of his behavior.

Jake has been throwing, pushing, and slamming chairs, he has been talking back to the teacher, and the daycare woman. He has been fighting with other kids, not doing his class work, shutting down completely and not talking to anyone. I sat down and had a talk with him the other night and he promised to do better and not cause any more trouble and it was worse. He won’t tell me what is wrong.

I had a conversation with my mother about it yesterday and she suggested putting him on medication. I won’t do it unless it gets to where he absolutely needs it. I have been down that road when I was a kid, they would give me one medicine and I would have bad side effects, then they would try another and I would be a zombie, I don’t want him to go through the same thing I did. He is 5 and that is not fair.

I wrote a note to his teacher and asked if there was a way for him to talk to a school counselor and maybe see if she could figure out what was wrong with him. I feel like maybe it is his birth mom. But she hasn’t called or tried to message on social media or text, just nothing. It has been a few weeks now and I am not playing games anymore. But, back to Jake. Maybe it is because we don’t spend enough time with him. I want to play games with him this weekend. I work on Saturday but I am done at 6 and I was thinking about buying some board games (or making some DIY) and teaching him how to play.

I also feel like I am my fiance’s support system in this whole thing. He knows less than I do about children and he is always looking to me for right and wrong. I am not complaining though because we both need each other to get Jake through this. It is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. That includes battling depression. I thought that was hard but, this, this is harder. Anyone have any ideas for discipline? I was also told to let him let off some steam. Any ideas on that? We just need help. Plain and simple.

Does being a parent really make us this crazy or are some people just better at it than others?

Regardless of all the trouble we are having with him I am glad he is here with us and I still wouldn’t change a thing. Ok, maybe I am nuts!

Thanks for reading. Again, feedback is definitely appreciated!