More Stuff About Me.

March 4, 2015

Today, I am going to post something a little different. I recently did a little quiz blog and I wanted to do something like that but with only a few questions. Deeper questions than just the trivial ‘what did you have for lunch today?’ I wanted to find out more about myself as well as others. So I challenge anyone reading to put some serious thought into these and answer honestly. Here goes.

1. What is the place you felt the happiest or safest?

This one was a really tough one to answer. When I was in high school I was bullied badly because I was different. That resulted in depression, then my cousin passed away and it got worse. So the safest place for me was locked in my room, it was also the happiest. There I could escape everything, I could write, draw, or read in peace. I submersed myself in wrestling on Monday nights. I locked my door and just let my mind completely drown in my own thoughts of how my life would be when I got older. Now that I am older the safest and happiest place to me is in my fiance’s arms. Just being with him I know that nothing could ever hurt me. Yes, I get depressed sometimes but I know that it will always get better for us.

2.This one is a little more fun. What is the most antiqued item you own?

I didn’t have to think about this one long. One year for Christmas I got this old jewelry box, it played music and upon inspecting it I found very old jewelry that had fallen into the wooden lining. I already knew that the box was old but I found a ring that looked so withered that it could have been from the early 1900’s who knows. I kept it and still have it as well. Kind of surprising that I’ve had it this long.

3. What is one food that reminds you of your youth or childhood?

My Grandmother has this way of making chicken legs that is to die for. We used to call them Chicken-Winger Flinger-Dingers. (Don’t laugh) Every time my Grandma made them they were devoured. They were messy and so good. Every time I remember them that is what takes me back to when I was young. It just makes me remember a time when I was innocent and didn’t have a care in the world. Its kind of funny because I have tried to block out most of my childhood, there was a lot of painful events that I would like to forget. But, moving on!

4. What did you think you were going to be when you grew up?

This is another that will probably get a laugh. I always thought that I would be a WWE Diva. A female wrestler. It’s the only thing I ever thought about, like I said before it consumed me. Wrestling was my everything, it was my obsession, my passion, and my sanctuary. I couldn’t live without it. I religiously had to be sitting in front of the television at 8:00 every Monday night without fail. If there was a Pay-Per-View on the night before and anyone else had seen it they were not allowed to tell me anything, I always wanted to find out myself. I wore wrestling t-shirts and dressed like Jeff Hardy for a long time. I still love wrestling to this day. I don’t think I will ever outgrow it. John Cena is still my favorite. I just had to add that.

5. What is your childhood fear?

When I was a kid I was so scared of death. I would lie awake at night and freak myself out by thinking about what it would be like to die. I still freak myself out, I can’t help it. There was a time when I welcomed it, I didn’t care whether I lived or died. But now that time has passed and I am terrified again, thinking about nothingness. The only thing that makes me feel better is that there is a Heaven and it won’t be darkness I will be with my family forever in Heaven. I hate the feeling of fear. It grips my heart like a vice and makes it hard to breathe. I almost can’t move as I am writing this just thinking about it. It is really hard for me to talk about my fear out in the open because it makes me think about it and then it won’t go away. It’s like planting a seed it just keeps growing and growing. So I have to stop myself right here.

I hope you enjoyed reading more about me. I think everyone should at least once, dig down deep and talk about things like this. Once it’s out of the way it keeps the mind clear. I actually feel a lot better now that it’s not all trapped in my head! You should try it!

Thanks for reading! XO

More Stuff About Me.

Jake, Work, and School.

February 3, 2015

So yesterday was a rough day for all of us. I was done with work at 12:30 and I went to get Jake early. When I got there he was still in the music room, although the rest of the class was back in the classroom, he was sitting inside a small, black entertainment center. When I walked in, he didn’t see me at first, I made him clean up all the chairs he had knocked over and the little metal pieces from the stand that he was throwing. He didn’t say a word to me and he didn’t argue he went and did what I told him. I was told that he has refused to leave the room at all he hid in the stand and would not come out.

We went to his classroom and he got ready as I talked to his teacher. She told me that he refused to do any of his work. He hadn’t finished one page. He continued to knock over books in his quiet corner and throw chairs. He didn’t get recess because he wouldn’t listen, he did not eat lunch. He sat at the table and wouldn’t touch his food. I don’t know what got into him yesterday, the bad behavior continued when he and I got home. I had him do 3 of the 6 things he had for homework and we went to pick up Dad from work.

I continued to try to get him to talk to me all day and he just kept saying that he was mad and sad. His dad thinks that he wants to go home. The last time he talked to his mom, she lied to him and told him that she was coming to get him soon and take him home. We think that he took this to heart, even when he was gently told that, that wasn’t the case. Maybe we didn’t explain it to him well enough? Maybe he is angry with us that he is with us altogether. Dad and I both don’t want him to go back. Countless family members don’t want that as well.

As far as the daycare goes, Dad walked in with is this morning and the daycare woman asked what he was doing there. Dad just came right out and said that the pants belonged to him and he wanted them back. She was surprised but gave them back. I just hope that she isn’t mean to Jake because of it.

I am still researching going to school as soon as I can. I heard that financial aid will not only pay my tuition but will pay half my bills as well. There is also a very good school not too far from me. I hadn’t considered it but I talked to a good friend of my sister-in-laws and she had nothing but good things to say about it.

One of the reasons I want to go to school is so that I can take Jake to school myself and pick him up too. We don’t have to deal with the middle man and I can still get a small part time job in the meantime if I want to. My fiancé thinks it is a good idea too and is behind me 100%! I want to make our lives better than what they are now and I am not happy with the job I am at. They are always changing the schedule on me trying to make me work until 7:00 which isn’t even possible for me seeing as I have told them 100 times that I have to get my fiancé from work and Jake from Daycare. That and I am full time. I work 40 hours a week. Period. I cannot keep changing my schedule around and trying to figure out the rest of our lives. I am just done with the bullshit. Speaking of that, I better get back to work!

I’ll keep y’all posted! XO

Jake, Work, and School.

50 Questions 50 Answers!

Totally unrelated to the subject matter I usually post but I thought it would be fun!

I got these questions from one of the blogs I follow https://ddmoonsong.wordpress.com/ and it brought back memories of my friends and I doing these in high school when Myspace was still a thing. My friends and I would load our profiles full of these little quizzes and sometimes we would make them up and do them in class and read the other’s answers.

Before I take myself too far back and cant finish this post here they are 🙂 :

50 questions 50 answers.

1: What are you wearing? White pants, yellow Aero shirt, black boots

2: Ever been in love? Yes

3: Ever had a terrible breakup? Yes

4: How tall are you? Around 6’0

5: How much do you weigh? Ummm….I would rather not say. Lets just say I had an imaginary baby and I still have the muffin top that just wont go away lol

6: Any tattoos?  No but I am planning on getting one soon! This is the tattoo I want but all the way up my side to my ribs.

tat

7: Any piercings? 6 altogether. Double pierced lobes, top of ear, and nose.

8: Ever done an operation? Nope 🙂

9: Favorite show? WWE Raw, Revenge, The Originals, The O.C. and Smallville!

cena raw

smallville

10: Favorite bands? Evanescence, AC/DC, Nickleback, and Florida Georgia Line

11: Something you miss? Pop. I have stopped drinking it and I miss it so much T.T

12: Favorite song? Unappreciated – Cherish

13: How old are you? 23 I will be 24 on January 29th

14: Zodiac sign? Aquarius

aquarius_by_ronhue

15: Qualities you look for most in a partner? Honesty, humor, and common sense. I know they seem like little things but I stopped trying to raise my standards too high. And look, I found the man of my dreams! 🙂

16: Favorite Quote? Don’t wanna live afraid of dying, no fear. – Terri Clark ~ No Fear. http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/terriclark/nofear.html

17: Favorite actor? Vin Diesel

vin

18: Favorite color? Lime green and/or black

19: Loud music or soft? Loud. I love it loud so I can jam out with my son! 🙂

20: Where do you go when you’re sad? Hmmm, that’s a tough one. It depends on where I am. If I am home then to bed. But if not then I just go somewhere to be alone.

21: How long does it take you to shower? Most of the time about 30 to 45 minutes. I have very long hair

22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 30 minutes

23: Ever been in a physical fight? Yes.

24: Turn on? Muscles and when a man smells amazing 😉

25: Turn off? Sagging pants and long hair.

26: The reason I made this blog? To share my experience being a new mom and raising a kid that is not my own.

27: Fears? Deep water, death, enclosed spaces, and clowns

28: Last thing that made you cry? Frustration.

29: Last time you said you loved someone? This morning

30: Meaning behind your blog Name? Step Mama Diaries. I am Jake’s step mom and diaries because most of the time I am just cataloging my thoughts. The fact that y’all get to read them and hear what I have to say is just a bonus. 🙂

31: Last book you read? Tremble – Jus Accardo that was back in September D:

TREMBLE_1600

32: The book you’re currently reading? Unhinged – A.G. Howard. These books are about Wonderland. I am obsessed with Alice in Wonderland.

unhinged

33: Last show you watched? The Vampire Diaries

34: Last person you talked to? A customer.

35: The relationship between you and the person you last texted? My fiance

36: Favorite food? Anything pasta 🙂

37: Place you want to visit? Myrtle Beach.

38: Last place you were? In my Blazer.

39: Do you have a crush? Yes, my fiance 😉

41: Last time you were insulted? Wednesday night 😦

42: Favorite flavor of sweet? Blue Raspberry! Sour too!

43: What instruments do you play? None

44: Favorite piece of jewelry? My engagement ring

45: Last sport you played? Wrestled with my fiance and my son 🙂

46: Last song you sang? Jessie’s Girl. It was stuck in my head last night

47: Favorite chat up line? I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

48: Have you ever used it? No, never.

49: Last time you hung out with anyone? This morning in the car with Jake and my fiance

50: Who should answer these questions next? Anyone who reads them.

Feel free to copy and paste them and fill in your own answers. I love getting to know people and knowing more about them!

50 Questions 50 Answers!