February 9, 2015

This post will be mostly un-Jake related but it is something that has been bothering me since last night and I have to get it out.

I have written about the problems we have been having with my fiance’s brother and mother and now his sister has started. Not about Jake though, about a joke my fiancé played on her, which I am going on record right now saying I had no part in, AT ALL.

My fiancé and I got new phones, and numbers yesterday and my fiancé decided to play a joke on his sister. Her ex-husband was an abuser and he has tried to take her kids from her for a long time. They went to court and she was told to come back to WV for a court date and she didn’t so her lawyer told her that she just wouldn’t be allowed to ever come back.

My fiancé texted her with his new number and decided to mess with her and pretend to be her ex. I didn’t know he was doing it until she called her mom, screaming. She had a panic attack over it which is totally understandable and she cussed out my fiancé which I don’t blame her at all she has every right to be mad at him. But that is the thing she is mad and me and his mother too because she has herself convinced that we let him do it! If I would have known that is what he was going to do I would have talked him out of it and she should know that and I told her that I had no part and that I was sorry for him taking it that far. She deleted us of social media as well as her boyfriend.

I am so mad that she would take it that far. I have never done anything mean to her to make her think that I would let anyone do anything to hurt her. As soon as I found out I cussed him too! For the rest of the night. He even tried to apologize to her and she wasn’t having it. She ignored us all. So once again she made me feel like shit for something I didn’t do.  I thought we were finally closer than that, where that would never happen.

My fiancé wants to move more than ever now. He feels like since we got here it has been nothing but drama. I don’t want to move at all, I don’t want to leave my friends or my sister. I really hope she comes to her senses soon, we all apologized to her and my fiancé did twice.

I agree with her on the part that it was really mean, it was the worst thing anyone could do to someone. I just don’t want to think about it anymore. We have been through so much the last year, more than most people do in a lifetime and I just don’t need any more drama in our lives. We need to be free. I told my fiancé last night that with everything that has been happening in the past couple months , the way I have been treated by his family, I am slipping slowly back into my depression and I don’t want that. I just want to be happy. I don’t want to fight with anyone I just want to raise Jake and have fun and be happy.

I don’t know if that will ever happen. I go to a very dark place when I am depressed. A place that I cant come back from easily and Jake needs me more than ever. I am ready to sever all ties from anyone who wants to stand in the way of our happiness.

My fiancé and I had a discussion the other night on the way home from work about our wedding and I told him that I don’t want a big wedding anymore. I just want to go to the court house and get married in a sundress and cowboy boots and then have a party at someone’s house or something I don’t care anymore I just want to be married to him. I told him that I want to do it before he buys a television or any more games. I want to be with him forever.

On a lighter note, I changed my hair! I am so happy with it. I love it! Was a birthday present from my mother-in-law! She got hers done as well. I will attach a picture of it along with this post.

I had better get back to work. Thanks for reading! XO

20150209_081332 My new hair! Red ombre 🙂

P.S. I just talked to Kristy. She is actually talking to me I am so glad. I think she just needed time to calm down. She is still mad at my fiancé but that is understandable. He needs to go in person and apologize too.

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Happy Freakin’ New Year! ;)

December 31, 2014

The last day of the year, and I hope the last day of my bad luck. My night will be as follows:

Pick my fiancé up from work and rush home. Get home and try to get Jake’s things ready for his night a daycare also while trying to get him fed and maybe bathed. Might be pointless with all the ice cream, snacks and messy things they will have tonight. Hopefully get myself ready to drop Jake off at daycare and go last minute shopping with sister-in-law. Get Jake to daycare and go (once again) up the hill. Hopefully my fiancé will go so I don’t have to drive everywhere. Then we don’t have much time at the mall we want to be out by 9 (beat the crowd and all that). I will not be drinking but one or two drinks I will have to get up early and get Jake at 10, after cleaning my house, and then be awake all day with him.

I hope tonight is going to be drama free, and fun. My fiance’s brother and sister do not get along as I may have earlier mentioned. My sister-in-law’s boyfriend is friends with my other sister-in-law’s friend’s boyfriend, if you caught all that. We heard a rumor that my other sister-in-law was going to come out and start a fight with the other. Drama, drama, and more drama, these two have been fighting for almost 2 years now. I am so tired of this crap, I don’t want part of it. This is the brother’s wife who I think put ideas into Jake’s head who wants to start a fight.

We all are grown, we all have kids, we should be setting better examples for them instead of teaching them how to try to carry out revenge. For one the girl who wants to do the fighting accused the other of something we don’t even know if she did or not. She never had evidence and with her character she could have done it herself for all we know. For two, she ripped the family apart because she didn’t like the sister of my fiancé.

I remained friends with her just for the simple fact that my brother-in-law was a good guy at the time and I didn’t want to hurt him. I admit, his sister and I had a falling out she accused me of stealing from her but she came clean and told the truth that she lied and she apologized and because she is my fiance’s sister I decided to give her another chance.

They are accusing her because of her past. That is not fair, she is working hard to make herself and her family better. I just think it is petty and I don’t think they should fight anymore. The boys miss the girls, and vice versa, and I dread the day when Jake asks me why they can’t see each other or the girls tell him what their mom told them (that Aunti stole from them, yes she told them this). My heart breaks to hear Jake tell the girls about his visit to Aunti’s or the boys about Uncle’s. It is confusing and it is hurting the kids worst of all.

This probably doesn’t make sense to anyone anymore but, I had to get it out. A new year and all I don’t want to have to deal with this again so I am going to stay out of it, completely. Their problems are theirs and that is that.

That being said, I haven’t had a night out since Jake got here. My fiance either and I can’t wait to jam out to awesome music with my awesome friends and family. I only wish there was one more person that could be here with me. You know who you are! I love you!

Everyone please have a safe and Happy New Year! Thanks for reading I will see y’all next year!!

Happy Freakin’ New Year! ;)

Just Another Problem….

December 30, 2014

We had a little problem with Jake yesterday. At daycare, he decided that he didn’t have to listen to the daycare lady and told her so, many times. He kept telling her over and over you aren’t my mom you can’t tell me what to do. When I went to drop him off at daycare in the morning is when he started now wanting to listen.

I am not going to lie here. I think my fiance’s brother told him he didn’t have to listen to me or anyone else but his dad. We sat Jake down and asked him why he thought he didn’t have to listen and at first he tried to blame it on his cousin. We knew better because his cousin hadn’t been in trouble at all. Then when we asked if someone told him he didn’t have to listen he started crying and said he couldn’t tell because he would get in trouble.

He wouldn’t come right out and say it but my gut is telling me that he got it from somewhere and the only place he has been is his uncle’s house. I know that children go through phases where they act out. But if that was the case wouldn’t he have completely denied being told to do it instead of crying like he did?  I have never known my fiance’s brother to be deliberately mean like that but, I don’t put it past him either. If he thinks he is right and someone is wrong he will go to any length to prove it.

If that is the case then my fiancé really needs to finally open his eyes and see what is really happening. I hate when is family thinks they can just say whatever they want. He told me last night, on our ride home from work we had a talk, that he wasn’t raised that way. That all of his family looked out for everyone and while our family did as well we didn’t have everyone commenting on anyone else’s parenting, and if someone did then they had another thing coming.

I remember my mother and grandmother fighting a few times over what my grandmother thought was good for us, and it didn’t end well.

I don’t want things to get so bad that the family is not on good terms with each other. I hate that half of my family doesn’t talk because of the past. I haven’t heard from one of my aunts for 7 years, since my cousin’s funeral. One of my uncles, I haven’t seen for about 3 years. My point is, we shouldn’t let things progress to where this is going on, and if his brother honestly wants to act like a prick over something that isn’t his business then he can just not see Jake anymore. I don’t want to but if that is what it comes to then so be it.

I don’t want all of Jake’s life to be one big argument. I don’t want Jake to think this is normal that all life is, is chaos. He has had enough fighting and chaos in his life and he is only 5 years old.

Any thoughts on how to handle this sort of situation?

Thanks for reading!

Just Another Problem….

Aaaand It Begins Again….

December 29, 2014

First off, I just want to say that yesterday was a really bad day for me. I was not in a good place, I was pissed off and feeling depressed all day. On Saturday, my fiance’s brother wanted to have a sleepover with Jake so we let him go. First, they bought him a television to play his system on which is fine but then they started laying rules down on us for it ie, we can’t use it for our own systems. Which, if we want to we are going to anyways, then when we left my fiancé and I had a long talk about how people (mainly his mom and brother) treat me when Jake is around. I feel uncomfortable because whenever I go to discipline him or tell him something his brother is always watching me. Not in a pervy way, in a disapproving way, frankly it pisses me off.

So I decided to text him since I couldn’t talk to him about it in front of the kids. This is what I said to him:

Hey, I just wanted to talk to you about something. And I don’t want to make anyone mad or start anything. I just feel like when I am disciplining Jake or even talking to him I feel like I am being watched. Like I am doing something wrong and no one likes me saying anything to him. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I am doing the best that I can and I love Jake with all my heart. I just wanted to talk to you about it because Jake is my son, I view him as my son and I just want to be on the same page.

Well apparently he took that as asking him to tell me everything I have been doing wrong and went on to call me a bully and say that I am mean to him. Now that I think back on it, it makes me furious! I almost want to text him again. The stupidest part was he made it all my fault! Then he said I was the one being rude and that if I didn’t want an answer don’t ask a question. Someone please tell me where I asked him a question because I sure as hell don’t know.  Then, to top it all off, he talked to my fiancé about it instead of me! And tried to apologize to me through him! All I have to say is fuck that! I deserve so much more than some half assed apology. Needless to say, I am not going back there.

I should not have to feel that way at family’s house at all. I don’t feel that way at anyone else’s house and if he refuses to mind his own damn business then I just won’t go. I am done letting people talk shit and walk all over me. Period.

I have been an emotional wreck all day and I don’t even want to work today. I am so mad and hurt that it is hard to function. I think my main problem is that I am a very emotional person and I have a hard time keeping my emotions down. I need thoughts, talk to him, don’t say anything?

Aaaand It Begins Again….

How Our Little Family Came To Be.

December 9th, 2014

So, this is my first entry and I just wanted to let you know a little bit about me. I am 23 going on 24, I live with my fiancé, his mother, his 5 year old son, and our kitty Tiger. Jake, our son, is a new addition to our family. It is a long story of how he came to be in our lives, and kind of sad.

His biological mom is, well lets say, a drug addict and that is the nicest term I can put to it. My fiancé didn’t find out that he was his father until around December of last year. He knew about him but didn’t know that he was his father. I know a lot of people would probably say why didn’t he try harder? Why didn’t he push to get the test when he was born? Fact is, it doesn’t matter, what’s done is done and we can’t change the past. I wish we could for our son’s sake, but we can’t.

We come to find out that she is leaving him with people so she can go and get high and do whatever else. I don’t want to try to explain all of the people she has left him with right now, there are quite a few. Needless to say, we needed to help him.

Sadly, last year we had no resources. We were homeless ourselves around this time last year. We were living in a motel with nowhere to go, about to move to West Virginia just for somewhere to live. That is another story. We were on the phone all the time with Jake’s aunt trying to find out any information we could on this little boy that we knew nothing about. We were trying to find anyone to help us get him away from her but there was no one.

I just want to say right now that WV is a state that has so many people on drugs, you could turn and find someone. It is sad really, and the police really don’t care. People have literally killed over drugs or money for them and gotten away with it. That might give you a little idea of what we had to go through to get him with us.

Back to trying to get him. We found out that she was in a lot of trouble with the law. She got picked up one day but there was nothing we could do because she was out within a three hour period and CPS would not get involved even though he was in a house with a few more drug addicts. Then a few weeks later we find out he got bit by her boyfriends dog, in the face, and she never took him to the hospital. We called CPS and they went and took him and we were about to be in the process of getting him but when they took him in front of a judge he said Jake could go home with his mom. My son, still has scars on his face from that dog. Needless to say we were heartbroken.

Then we got a chance to meet him. We took off work and took a trip to WV. By this time we had finally gotten our own apartment and full time jobs so this was the time to help this little boy. We went down there with my fiancé’s brother, and his twin girls. We met Jake for the first time and fell in love with him. He stayed almost a week with us and for three days we didn’t hear a word from his mom. No checking up on him, nada. When she finally did call and wanted him back, I didn’t want to give him up. We had, had so much fun with my fiancé’s family. Taking Jake and the girls to the fair, and swimming.

When we went to take him back, he screamed and put up a fight, insisting that mommy’s boyfriend was mean to him. When we got there, she claimed that she had her own house with a trampoline and a pool, his own room. Which was not true, she was living with her boyfriend in a camper, while Jake slept on someone else’s floor. My fiancé asked to take him home with us, and she refused. We even offered to put him in school. Her exact words were, “not right now.” I honestly feel like she used Jake for the child support to support her own habit rather than Jake. I sobbed on the way back to my fiancé’s Granny’s house and on the way back to Minnesota. My heart already was full of love for this little man. And there was nothing I could do about it.

Around October, we got a call saying his mom got into even more trouble and that she was in jail, and she would be there for a while. So my fiancé planned a trip. The last time we went his mom came back with us so she decided to go with him. They were gone for a week, that was the worst week of my entire life. I had friends stay with me so I wouldn’t have to be alone. I am sad. Anyway when they got into town they had to go get Jake from school the very next morning. They didn’t want anyone to know what was going on in case her friends tried to hide him. After an unbearable week he finally came home with our son.

I couldn’t be happier that he is safe with us.

We did just jump in head first with him. We had no idea what we were doing. It has gotten better, and we have gotten the hang of teaching him and we have been learning with him along the way. Most of my time is devoted to him. So this blog is all about how we are doing and how it feels to try to raise someone else’s child but still be their mom as much as possible.

I love my son with all my heart and I want to raise him with all the love I can give.

How Our Little Family Came To Be.