Depression.

February 26, 2015

So it is now 1 pm and I still have yet to get a break, I have been here since 7:30 this morning. This is why I don’t want to be here anymore. The only thing I like about this place is the money. But, you cannot pay me enough money in the world to sit here and not be able to use the bathroom when I please like everyone else in this building. I am the only one who has to have someone cover for them. Which is laughable because half the people here have to wait at the phone for calls but, mine are the only ones that matter, apparently. This just doesn’t work for me, sitting here I mean, I can’t do it anymore. Even if I don’t get accepted to school I think it is time to find another job. I just don’t know how I would do that when I work 7:30 to 4 almost every day. I don’t have time to call people or have interviews. My work life blows right now. Not going to lie.

Maybe I sound like I am complaining and I am sorry for that. Please, feel free to stop reading this if you think I am just a lazy complainer! It won’t hurt my feelings one bit! I know that sounds bitchy, just the sort of mood I am in right now.

This is not the first time this has happened to me. And it won’t be the last. I work next weekend, which I am dreading. Saturdays are the worst to work, I feel for people who work every weekend, I used to be one of those people. But this is all day I just sit here and do nothing. At least during the week there is a little work for me to do. On Saturdays there is absolutely nothing at all. I haven’t had a smoke break either. Most of the time I am ok but today I just have this bitchy tick that I can’t get rid of. I want to go home and crawl in my bed and sleep for 12 hours.

Honestly, I feel my depression creeping ever further on me. I can’t shake it and I can’t stop it. It feels like vines of agony and hate encasing my heart and there is nothing I can do about it besides struggle with a never ending battle. It goes away when I leave this place and comes back daily, or whenever I think about sitting here all day. I should get help, I know. Right now, leaving this place and going back to school feels like the only thing that would help…..