December 29, 2014
First off, I just want to say that yesterday was a really bad day for me. I was not in a good place, I was pissed off and feeling depressed all day. On Saturday, my fiance’s brother wanted to have a sleepover with Jake so we let him go. First, they bought him a television to play his system on which is fine but then they started laying rules down on us for it ie, we can’t use it for our own systems. Which, if we want to we are going to anyways, then when we left my fiancé and I had a long talk about how people (mainly his mom and brother) treat me when Jake is around. I feel uncomfortable because whenever I go to discipline him or tell him something his brother is always watching me. Not in a pervy way, in a disapproving way, frankly it pisses me off.
So I decided to text him since I couldn’t talk to him about it in front of the kids. This is what I said to him:
Hey, I just wanted to talk to you about something. And I don’t want to make anyone mad or start anything. I just feel like when I am disciplining Jake or even talking to him I feel like I am being watched. Like I am doing something wrong and no one likes me saying anything to him. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I am doing the best that I can and I love Jake with all my heart. I just wanted to talk to you about it because Jake is my son, I view him as my son and I just want to be on the same page.
Well apparently he took that as asking him to tell me everything I have been doing wrong and went on to call me a bully and say that I am mean to him. Now that I think back on it, it makes me furious! I almost want to text him again. The stupidest part was he made it all my fault! Then he said I was the one being rude and that if I didn’t want an answer don’t ask a question. Someone please tell me where I asked him a question because I sure as hell don’t know. Then, to top it all off, he talked to my fiancé about it instead of me! And tried to apologize to me through him! All I have to say is fuck that! I deserve so much more than some half assed apology. Needless to say, I am not going back there.
I should not have to feel that way at family’s house at all. I don’t feel that way at anyone else’s house and if he refuses to mind his own damn business then I just won’t go. I am done letting people talk shit and walk all over me. Period.
I have been an emotional wreck all day and I don’t even want to work today. I am so mad and hurt that it is hard to function. I think my main problem is that I am a very emotional person and I have a hard time keeping my emotions down. I need thoughts, talk to him, don’t say anything?