December 15, 2014
Last night was not a good night. Long story short, it hit the fan. Jake was tired, we let him watch movies with us on Saturday and he was up a little too late so he was crabby yesterday. I don’t want to get into the whole story because I know I will just make myself angry again. Nana and I got into an argument and it wasn’t pretty. Ended up in being told that I wasn’t Jake’s mom and that really hurt. Probably worse than anything I could have ever said to her.
My fiancé finally stuck up for me! I got so angry that I had to get in my Blazer and go. I felt bad because Jake was crying for me but I couldn’t think straight. When I left my fiancé got onto her I guess really badly. I parked in the Kmart parking lot and cried. I could have went to his sister’s but I was so upset and she was sleeping, she worked a night shift last night.
I do feel bad, I told my fiancé that if something didn’t change then we were going to have a problem. Well here it is, mostly I feel bad for my son. That he had to hear adults being morons. He should not have heard all that. She text me later that night as I was wrapping Christmas gifts and apologized and I wrote her a long text back and told her everything I felt and all the things that my fiancé and I talked about, she didn’t answer back but I could care less. This is not about her and I won’t let her make it be about her. This is about my son and what is best for him.
We agreed to make a better effort, for Jake’s sake we are going to devote every waking moment to him. I think that is why it has been so hard for us. We had to get here to have an epiphany like this.
I don’t know if that makes us bad parents but we are doing the best we can in a tough situation and that’s all anyone should be allowed to ask of us. Just to do the best we can with the cards we have been dealt. I cannot stress enough that this is not easy, this is the hardest thing either one of us has had to do ever but we will make it through because Jake needs us. He needs love and attention and to be fed and clothed, and taken care of. That is just what we are going to do.