December 9th, 2014
So, this is my first entry and I just wanted to let you know a little bit about me. I am 23 going on 24, I live with my fiancé, his mother, his 5 year old son, and our kitty Tiger. Jake, our son, is a new addition to our family. It is a long story of how he came to be in our lives, and kind of sad.
His biological mom is, well lets say, a drug addict and that is the nicest term I can put to it. My fiancé didn’t find out that he was his father until around December of last year. He knew about him but didn’t know that he was his father. I know a lot of people would probably say why didn’t he try harder? Why didn’t he push to get the test when he was born? Fact is, it doesn’t matter, what’s done is done and we can’t change the past. I wish we could for our son’s sake, but we can’t.
We come to find out that she is leaving him with people so she can go and get high and do whatever else. I don’t want to try to explain all of the people she has left him with right now, there are quite a few. Needless to say, we needed to help him.
Sadly, last year we had no resources. We were homeless ourselves around this time last year. We were living in a motel with nowhere to go, about to move to West Virginia just for somewhere to live. That is another story. We were on the phone all the time with Jake’s aunt trying to find out any information we could on this little boy that we knew nothing about. We were trying to find anyone to help us get him away from her but there was no one.
I just want to say right now that WV is a state that has so many people on drugs, you could turn and find someone. It is sad really, and the police really don’t care. People have literally killed over drugs or money for them and gotten away with it. That might give you a little idea of what we had to go through to get him with us.
Back to trying to get him. We found out that she was in a lot of trouble with the law. She got picked up one day but there was nothing we could do because she was out within a three hour period and CPS would not get involved even though he was in a house with a few more drug addicts. Then a few weeks later we find out he got bit by her boyfriends dog, in the face, and she never took him to the hospital. We called CPS and they went and took him and we were about to be in the process of getting him but when they took him in front of a judge he said Jake could go home with his mom. My son, still has scars on his face from that dog. Needless to say we were heartbroken.
Then we got a chance to meet him. We took off work and took a trip to WV. By this time we had finally gotten our own apartment and full time jobs so this was the time to help this little boy. We went down there with my fiancé’s brother, and his twin girls. We met Jake for the first time and fell in love with him. He stayed almost a week with us and for three days we didn’t hear a word from his mom. No checking up on him, nada. When she finally did call and wanted him back, I didn’t want to give him up. We had, had so much fun with my fiancé’s family. Taking Jake and the girls to the fair, and swimming.
When we went to take him back, he screamed and put up a fight, insisting that mommy’s boyfriend was mean to him. When we got there, she claimed that she had her own house with a trampoline and a pool, his own room. Which was not true, she was living with her boyfriend in a camper, while Jake slept on someone else’s floor. My fiancé asked to take him home with us, and she refused. We even offered to put him in school. Her exact words were, “not right now.” I honestly feel like she used Jake for the child support to support her own habit rather than Jake. I sobbed on the way back to my fiancé’s Granny’s house and on the way back to Minnesota. My heart already was full of love for this little man. And there was nothing I could do about it.
Around October, we got a call saying his mom got into even more trouble and that she was in jail, and she would be there for a while. So my fiancé planned a trip. The last time we went his mom came back with us so she decided to go with him. They were gone for a week, that was the worst week of my entire life. I had friends stay with me so I wouldn’t have to be alone. I am sad. Anyway when they got into town they had to go get Jake from school the very next morning. They didn’t want anyone to know what was going on in case her friends tried to hide him. After an unbearable week he finally came home with our son.
I couldn’t be happier that he is safe with us.
We did just jump in head first with him. We had no idea what we were doing. It has gotten better, and we have gotten the hang of teaching him and we have been learning with him along the way. Most of my time is devoted to him. So this blog is all about how we are doing and how it feels to try to raise someone else’s child but still be their mom as much as possible.
I love my son with all my heart and I want to raise him with all the love I can give.